Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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