Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
