where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
