I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
