sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize