I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
