im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
