1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
