i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
