Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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