My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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