You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
