I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
