Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
