Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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