Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
