Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
