Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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