But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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