Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
