Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And then he peed in my hair
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