Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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