just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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