on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
