then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
