So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
