What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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