i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
