if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
