you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
