Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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