So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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