Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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