i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
