she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
