sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
