Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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