I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
