Joe is yelling at the trees again.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
