Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
