Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We smell like vodka and hangover
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