So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
