Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
