I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
