how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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