At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
