so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
