Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
