I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
