Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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