just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
