so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
