Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
