And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
