Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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