its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
