it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
