I think my vagina is haunted
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize