I looked at my own cervix.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
