Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
