Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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