she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize