Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
