I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This house was built for laser tag.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
