I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
