she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
