Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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