You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
