the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize