he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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