the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
